Low tide

Lunch with a friend yesterday. Mentioned that it was interesting to observe the behaviours of some, when the tide goes out. He shared a personal experience of a public sector manager behaving unethically and probably illegally. Using power and position to disadvantage my friend. No doubt he rationalised it by thinking of the current economic situation.

It made me think of the character aspect of leadership. Some things illuminate character. Adversity for instance. It seems that many leaders stand out in times of adversity. Is it because they find their character? Is it because they have the opportunity to exercise their character? Is it that the character of others is exposed through negative behaviour (… and they stand out)?

Someone once said that you can judge a society by how it cares for it’s most vulnerable members. Ditto leaders. Judge leaders by how they behave towards others more vulnerable. When the times are tough. Anyone can look good on a rising tide, when things are going well. But for some, low tide is a different story.

Character boils down to behaviour. Having the courage of your convictions and treating others as you would be happy for them to treat you.

I believe that we all have a responsibility to robustly confront poor behavior by:

• naming the specific behaviour
• articulating the impact of that behaviour
• telling the person how we feel about it.

Letting people get away with poor behaviour, only accepts and encourages it.

Slowly then quickly

There’s a great speech by Al Pacino  in the movie ‘Any Given Sunday’.

OK, it’s a boys movie.

But putting  the aggressive competitiveness to one side. What’s the message?

It’s that, small things add up.  Whether you’re talking about communication, leadership, relationships, sport, finance, music, acting, or anything else. It’s the little things that add up. That matter.

It means that the future arrives slowly (inch by inch) and then quickly. It can be a big surprise. A big unpleasant surprise. One morning we wake up and trillions of dollars of wealth has disappeared!

Behaviour by behaviour, we create our future. And the future of others around us.

Jan Carlzon talked about moments of truth

Malcolm Gladwell talks about outliers

de Niro talked of the inches

What are  the inches that matter to you?

Take care of your inches!

Borrowed creativity.

I was speaking today with a prospective client about some coaching.

We ended up discussing an individual’s personal brand.

I’ve always liked the idea of expanding the idea of a communication objective from a specific piece of communication, to a longer term communication strategy. Like a personal brand.

In essence, over time and many interactions, how do individuals want others to:

• think about them
• feel about them
• act towards them

Of course, your audience matters too. What do they want and value?

One of the attributes valued highly these days is creativity.  Perhaps I’d like people to think of  me as creative! I’ve written before about creativity, and the importance of  listening to others for ideas. Rather than coming up with ideas all by yourself!

So, in the spirit of borrowed creativity, here is Fast Company’s Top 100 Most Creative People (to listen to).

http://www.fastcompany.com/100/mcp.html

Borrow, learn, distil, reapply, combine, but most of all enjoy.

Working the room!

Yesterday, I spoke to a group of independant professional advisors/counsellors. The topic was networking, as a marketing tool. I made three points:

1. The predominance of social networks can be seen as much more than a marketing tool. I think they are becoming an extension our brains and are making us more intelligent. Our intelligence afterall, is the result of the brain’s complexity – the billions of neurons interacting with each other. By connecting to other individuals we significantly multiple the possible interactions. Connecting our neurons to neurons outside our brain. The beginnings of a global brain (see Peter Russell’s “Global Brain”  http://www.peterrussell.com/GB/globalbrain.php).
2. But, chemistry matters. The chemistry that connects the neurons in our brain to each other is a complex bio-chemistry. The neurotransmitters that pass signals across the synaptic gap (between neurons) has to work. Or we don’t think effectively, or at all! Between people that chemistry is the chemistry of conversation. Important elements of the chemistry of conversation include – effective questioning, active listening and empathy. That chemistry has to work too.
3. And, that chemistry also includes ‘attitude’. Someone spoke of those who think of networking as “working the room”. If that’s your attitude, I doubt the conversation chemistry will work. I find it best to leave your agenda at the door. Just talk to people, enjoy talking to them, be curious, be yourself . Let any business opportunities emerge. Don’t work the room!

As always, interested in your perspectives.

Caring less

Confession time.

A week ago I wrote about the challenge of communicating so people “get me”. So that people get my meaning, not just hear what I’m saying. Of course, it’s easier when I’m clear about what I really mean in the first place.  And getting clear for me, is often about interacting with others. Meaning has a way of evolving through interaction over time.

But, I have to confess that I don’t just want people to “get me”.

I want people to “agree with me”!  And that’s a big problem. 

As I grow older, I think I’m only just learning to care less about the outcome of my communication. And just focus on what I mean. And how I can communicate that.

If I care less about the outcome, I’m more open to exploring my meaning when others have different points of view.  I get clearer on what I mean, and hopefully others do too!

Amen.

Getting me!

It is easy to say things, isn’t it.

But do people really get it? Or do they just hear what I’m saying?

Alfred Korzybski used to say – the map is not the territory. He meant an abstraction derived from something is not the thing itself. Our thinking and ideas are the territory of communication. But the communication itself is only a map.

We want people to get the territory, but we give them a map. And they’ll holding it upside down!

The first step in helping others to get our territory is to get it ourself.

If I want them to get me, I need get me.

Are you getting me?

The group goes west

I was involved in a facilitation recently. There was a point in the facilitation where it was obvious the facilitator had a clear direction.  The group wanted to go in a different direction. It wanted to go west and the facilitator wanted to go east. The facilitator pushed and group pushed back. The facilitator conceded. We went west. In fact we went so far west, we ended up east!

It was a reminder of the power of going with the flow. But staying aware of the ultimate objective. A great outcome was achieved. Albeit by taking a different path. Well done and thanks Barbara.

Whether facilitating, influencing or leading – start with the direction your audience wants to go. It’s probably easier and you can still get a great outcome.

Before “we”, there is always an “I”

I have started a project to produce a New Zealand film. It will be an interesting experience having never made a film before. But there seems to be a lot of interest and offers to help. I’m expecting that I’ll learn some practical lessons in leadership. I hope not too painfully!

We started with a meeting to define the purpose of the film. It’s interesting when a group of eclectic and talented people get together to discuss the initial purpose for a project. There was a lot of input. A lot that challenged my initial thinking. But I held my breath and wondered how we would ever find a clear purpose that engaged everyone.

I thought that leadership would be about finding and engaging the collective will of the group. But it was obvious the group comprised many different agenda’s and motivations. A collective will or purpose would either be impossible or so bland that it won’t really engage anyone.

Some leadership writers talk of leaders using the language of “we” rather than “I”. I get what they saying. Leadership should be selfless, I thought.  The idea of leadership as service. Giving yourself to a greater goal/good. I think that seems right.

But not at the start. It all starts with what I want to do. It is all about me, after all!! What is the purpose that engages and inspires me? That’s my next step.  To take the generous contributions of others and craft my purpose for the film project.  If it engages, energises and inspires me, I hope others will feel the same way. Because I need them to make this happen. But some won’t feel the same way. They will have other projects that are more meaningful to them. I wish them well.

So my leadership insight is that before I get the right to use “we”, I must have a group. And the group doesn’t start with the need to define it’s purpose. It starts with a purpose that inspires them to be in the group. I need to define that and see you shows up.  Wish me well.

Expecting the worst

By now everyone has seen the Susan Boyle clip from Britain’s Got Talent. An amazing performance. If not, you must be the only person on the planet, but here’s the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk

I’ve watched it a least a dozen times and it still brings tears to my eyes!

It reminds me of the relativity of communication. The impact and result of our communication is always relative to something else. In this case the impact was created not by performance itself, but by the expectation. No-one (apart from Simon Cowell!!) expected it. Everyone in the audience had convinced themselves she was going to be a disaster.

When we’re communicating, it’s always useful to think about the expectations we are setting – either directly or indirectly. Whether it’s good news or bad news, it’s always measured against the expectations of the audience. And expectations can be influenced beforehand. As someone once said “the secret to happiness is low expectations”. Maybe for communication also.

A coach, face-to-face with me

A key element of success in any activity is the ability to come face to face with yourself. To robustly interrogate our own thinking and behaviours. It’s very hard to do that from the inside. We need a confidant, a mentor or a coach. Because it’s difficult to see ourselves from the inside. Someone’s got to hold the mirror.

I’m noticing a signifiicant increase in coaching enquiries and work. Perhaps because of the current business climate. It has made me think of the qualities that I respect in my coach/mentor. Apart from the expected professionalism and integrity, here are my top 5 qualities:

• an unwavering belief/commitment to my potential.
• a depth of life experience  that recognises living without easy answers.
• a generosity of spirit.
• an openness to possibility and learning in every moment
• a sense of play, fun and humour.

Thanks Bob.

If you don’t have a Bob, perhaps you could find one. (I’ve added Bob’s website to my blogroll!)